I interrupt your daily dose of Ritalin for some musical progress

Okay first off, I want to thank each and every one of you who read my blog. It means a lot that you guys would even think about clicking on my blog. Anyways, I have been trying to write my musical. So far I have prose of what I want from the play. It’s not finished yet but I’ll show you what I have. I decided to kind of talk about what I wanted, line by line. I would dissect and analyse every little idea I had for the musical. Some of the stuff has changed since I last thought of it. I wrote out the first few lines of the musical, including what I wanted as the opening number. Enjoy.

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What I want from this play is:

Billy has to kind of know that Stephanie is pregnant. He saw her a week prior. But Henry doesn’t know this of course. Henry is a very oblivious man who only really sees what he wants to see. He doesn’t like change. Stephanie knows this and is afraid to say anything just yet. She is also afraid because she was just offered a job in Tokyo to learn about sales overseas. I am not sure what I want her job to be, but it has got to be compelling enough for her to want to move to Tokyo.

On the side, Henry is dealing with some shit as well. He got a promotion for his job, but he would be away from home a lot. Henry fears that he will somehow lose his freedom if he marries Stephanie. They have been together for six years and everyone is pressuring them to get married. I really want the element of their long term relationship to really be the main conflict. I would love for them to maybe get engaged within the time frame of the musical, but then later realize that maybe it just wasn’t for them. Maybe the moral of the story is that you shouldn’t do something just because you are pressured to do it.

How do I envision this story to start out? (Talk it out first before you write dialogue.)

I want Henry and Stephanie to be at the bar, waiting for the house to open. They are discussing something funny Henry heard at the office. Maybe the bartender would ask them if they are married, and when that happens, Stephanie will make some remark about it. But Henry won’t even get the hint. Stephanie will look towards the audience and maybe start off singing about how much she wishes Henry would notice, but then gets interrupted by some random ensemble member. They then would get into a piece about something super random… that would then lead into kind of an opening number for the show. It would be hilarious as well if some usher came by to scoot them off the stage saying, “we don’t have time for this! The show is about to start!” Then lights up on Stephanie. She would do some kind of tappy thing….cause she’s the kind of girl who likes the last word. Resume show. Henry would start talking about how lucky they were to get orchestra seats. I want the audience to see that they are still madly in love, but that there is something off about their relationship. So maybe one or two times where they finish each other’s… SANDWITCHES! XD. Then I want Billy to come by and notice Henry and Stephanie. Would love a little jig about how he knows a secret. “I know a secret. A very special secret. That might just bring my honey to MEEEEEEEEEE!!!” A cane suddenly would appear and he would stop singing. He struts on over to Henry and Stephanie.

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That is what I have so far. I just wanted to share that because I’m really quite proud.

I feel like I don’t have that many good pictures of me. So I have decided to go on my day off on Monday to places I find scenic in Pacifica. I will take photos of myself … very artsy like. XD. I’ve been checking out fellow book lovers and came across this beautiful lady who takes brilliant photos. She’s really pretty. Here’s a photo of her… just so you know how I would love my photos to turn out.

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Her name is Sasha Alsberg. Her Instagram is @sashaalsberg. Definitely check it out. Looking at her photos makes me wish I was that photogenic.

Here’s a random thought that I was talking to my coworker about. Why is it that when a sports team starts winning, like the Giants, we say “we.” But when they do horribly, we refer to them as “they?” We should stick with them, through the good and the bad. And I don’t even really care that much about sports.

So today was the last night show of High Spirits. So sad. I had a fun time performing in this show. I’m always so nervous at the end when the audience comes to greet the cast in the gallery. Even if we are friends, I still never know what to say after the “you were so great!” I tend to look anywhere else but at the person and then it becomes awkward. I guess I always feel like I only have a certain amount of time to talk to one person and if it goes over I tend to be awkward. I’m sure I weirded out the 12 year old kid I was talking to!

I’ve been working all week, with little time for breaks. I’m super exhausted. So after work when I got changed to go to the musical, I put on the first thing I found. Leggings. And guess what? I own a North Face jacket! I totally looked like a typical white girl… except for the boots. They aren’t Uggs. I don’t even own a pair since they are pretty expensive and I don’t really care about them too much to even want a pair. But here’s a photo of my “white girl” outfit. And yes I know it sounds sort of racist… but is it really? Hating on white people is all the rage. XD. JK.

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I think the next post I want to talk more on the power of words and how I evolved in my writing style. Thanks again for reading my posts! Don’t hesitate to comment or like!

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Why me??? Why me???

Why is it that terrible people can find someone to love and I can never truly catch a break? Am I not attractive enough? Come on! There are people much bigger than I am who are getting together with people. And why should I even care? I guess to answer that question, maybe I should look inside myself and try to love myself. But so many other people who think they are a piece of trash find someone right away. Every time I somehow think someone is into me, it all falls down the drain. Cause guess what? They weren’t really that into me. I know that maybe I should pursue better people and that I should stop waiting for the guy. But how many hints do I have to drop? I’m friggin’ interested!

Anyways, besides my little rant about my non existent love life, I really don’t have enough to say. I’m so exhausted from working all week. I essentially only had one day off this week since I am in a musical and had to perform on Sunday. Plus, I’m sick and I really can’t rest. And my sleep deprived mind wants me to talk about this topic that I’ve been dreading talking about since I left work. I don’t want to seem bitter or angry, since what I say here may cost me a job. But here it goes.

I got a raise… finally. After working at the movie theaters for two and a half years, I got a decent raise. I had one raise of 15 cents before the minimum wage increased to $9. I was supposed to have three other raises, but those never went into effect. So today the GM told me I got a raise that was effective from last Friday. Of 50 cents. But here’s the thing I’m kind of mad about. A co worker, who is male, got a raise of 75 cents… and he’s only worked at the theater for only three months. Tell me how that is even fair? Maybe he has shown me up in workmanship. But the GM knows my predicament. So he should at least compensate and maybe have given me the same amount of wage increase. I would hate to find out that it’s because I’m a girl. Actually…. the blow would hurt less if that was the case. Because I already hate myself for being such a lazy ass.

I didn’t want to talk about this because apparently future employers look at all social media in order to determine whether or not you are a good employee. Which sort of sucks, because that is censoring any revolutionary bone you have in your body. Sometimes it’s okay to rant about troubles at work. No job is perfect.

Anyways, I recently got an internship as a Blog Extraordinaire for Super Interns. It’s not paid, but any experience works. I’m nervous, because what if I’m not up to it? I’m a lazy writer who wants the rewards without the work. Which is why I love performing because at least then I feel like I’m doing something. Before I get into performing, if you are looking for an internship, go to http://www.superinterns.com.

Since I didn’t get into How To Succeed or Hairspray, it looks like I’ll be spending the next three months with nothing but work. I try to convince myself that it’s a chance to maybe put out some more resumes and gain more experience, but who am I kidding? I’m extremely disappointed that I won’t be in a musical after this run of High Spirits. I am so afraid of the ending of this musical that I really have to stop and take a deep breathe whenever I think about it. I will prevail though. I haven’t always been so extremely engrossed in musicals. I used to excel at doing nothing.

Now that I got that off my chest, everything feels a whole lot better. I hope everyone else is doing good. I hope to finish the Doctor Who book soon, so I can write my review.

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Here was my headshot for Pirates of Penzance. Taken by Michael Lodick.

22 things about Jillian

I’ve been on a binge “lets blog about anything” spree all night. So here’s something I have wanted to write about for here for a long time. I will get to writing my play once I’m finished with High Spirits. Okay, here is 22 things about Jillian. Yeah, I picked 22 because guess what? That’s how old I am!!!

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  1. I love mismatched socks. I get the pack of the same genre of socks and mix and match. Right now I’m wearing two different Doctor Who socks. Cause you know. The Doctor is awesome!
  2. I wish my life was a musical. I spend half my time singing… and not even for an audience. I just randomly sing out loud. If you ever stalk me at work you will find that I spend quite a bit of time singing the songs on the TV. Seriously.
  3. For the past three months I have bought at least one book for each paycheck. I get paid twice in a month, so they will all add up. I have a horrible habit.
  4. I really hate physical contact. Even though sometimes I initiate it, I really don’t like it. I’ve masked my pain with a smile. I tend to be more huggy with people I’ve performed with. And yes, I might initiate the hug or contact, but that’s really only to make myself get over my anxiety.
  5. I love spending time by myself. Sometimes people really do scare me. Being around someone for too long makes me anxious.
  6. I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes. The blonde turned red later on and then brown started coming in. Up until sixth grade I had blonde and red hair from my shoulders to my waist. It was all natural. As for the blue eyes those went away when I was probably two.
  7. I have this weird obsession with Pugs. They are so cute!!!!
    1. o-PUG-AVENGERS-facebook Pug Avengers!!!!
  8. My first paid job was Century… which I’ve been at for two and a half years!
  9. I joined Best Buddies my sophomore year of high school to make more friends. I was horrible at making friends.
  10. I hated high school drama. Both the club and actual drama. I was always so self conscious.
  11. I’m afraid of snails. Yeah… I know.
  12. I’ve always wanted to wear lingerie for a role.
  13. I started playing the flute when I was about nine. I hated it.
  14. My first day of guitar class my teacher said I would have trouble playing because of my small hands.
  15. I’m only 4’11”. I can get a disability placard. Billie Joe totally laughed at the fact that he was taller than me. He’s just jealous. XD
  16. I wanted to go to Dominican University in San Rafael for college, but my parents said I could dorm at SFSU if I went there.
  17. I refused to watch Supernatural until two years ago. I still think the first season is super boring. I’ve rewatched Supernatural this summer.
  18. I once dashed to a secret Green Day show in SF, only to find out that I was not old enough to get in. So I listened to them from outside the venue. I also finished a ten page radio drama in three hours after that. I’m awesome.
  19. My younger sisters are twins.
  20. I honestly dislike ebooks. I can never concentrate when I’m reading a book on my iPad.
  21. I’ve only had one boyfriend. I was twelve at the time and it lasted a month and a half.
  22. My favorite movie of all time is Annie. I hate that they’re making another remake.

“Paper Towns” by John Green

I recently read the book “Paper Towns” by John Green.

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It’s mainly about this guy who is woken up at the middle of the night by his neighbor, Margo, who takes him on this adventure of revenge. After that night, which the main character, Quentin, starts to believe was his first real chance at getting with Margo, Margo disappears. Most people just count it as a runaway, but Quentin believes something bad has happened to Margo. So he begins on this wild goose chase to help save Margo.

Rating: 3.5/5

Review:

I found something poetic between the two characters, Margo and Quentin. The book starts off with them finding a dead body in the park. This occurrence is brought up as a symbol for the tension and dynamic of the two characters. The book takes some time to get into. The chapters seem kind of robotic. It’s as if someone was just listing off what was happening, bit by bit. It got annoying to read after a while. Quentin, as we find out later, loves being bored. And maybe that’s what the author wanted to convey about Quentin’s time apart from Margo. Either way I didn’t get that much character development from Quentin.

I really liked the character of Margo. She was such a deep character, yet I felt like we could have been given more information. Yet I see why it was important to keep that out of her story. There was an aura of mystery that did not technically need to be solved. Like what was so bad about Margo’s past that she needed to run away? Or even how her parents were like. I didn’t get that much out of that. But I know that it really didn’t matter that much in the end.

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What I liked most about this book was that it kept you on your toes. We are kept wondering what happened to Margo. The mystery itself was not just about where Margo was, but who she is. Quentin grew up with her at a distance and so he never really got to know the real Margo. So each clue brings Quentin further into the life of Margo.

I give this book a 3.5/5 rating because while the story was intriguing, I did not connect with the characters that much. I felt like Quentin was too flat of a character and there were so many holes in the life of Margo. I’m excited for the movie adaptation, however. I hope it does the book justice.

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Here’s a picture of me about two years ago. I was the Eleventh Doctor for Halloween.

The importance of being a number

What is a number?

It’s a thing we use to calculate anything… and it basically rules the entire universe. But what if we stopped to actually think about a silly little number can rule our lives? A simple list of things we use numbers for will make my statement a little bit more trustworthy (not that you should really trust me. Cause come on! I’m just some nobody who is trying to be brilliant and awesome.)

  1. Your weight. Yep, that number will haunt you for the rest of your life. Frankly I don’t care if my weight is bigger than it should. All I really care about is the way that number looks on me. Not good… not good.
    1. Why let that bother you? Is God going to somehow take you off the Heaven VIP list if you weigh more than 100 pounds? No. And yes, I did bring up God for my argument. I’m not that religious but I do believe in God.
    2. If your weight was so bad, then shouldn’t you be condemned in hell for being a pound over 100? Or will you go to jail or something? No. Your weight is just society’s way of making you feel bad. Although that doesn’t mean that supremely overweight people shouldn’t worry. If you have to go around in a moving wheelchair because of your weight, maybe you should rethink that Big Mac.
  2. Your age. It’s literally just a number. Being a teenager doesn’t always mean that you have less experience than your elder. Some kids experience more in the short time they’ve been on this Earth than someone who has lived over forty years. And the whole acting your age thing… well is there really a social norm for what age acts like what? Everyone has their own different level of maturity. So if you’ve ever felt put down by your age, remember, it’s only a number.
  3. How many sexual partners you’ve had. I’m a virgin and so the idea of frivolous sex weirds me out. But women are called sluts and whores if they sleep around too much. My thought is this. Why does it matter how many people you slept with? Sex is sex. It’s supposed to feel good and you know what? If you feel like sleeping with the entire football team because it’s fun? Good for you. It’s just as much the football player’s fault as the woman’s. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. Reminds me of the movie “What’s your number?” That was a funny movie. I’ve seen it a few times.
    1. chris evans whats your number I really just wanted to put this here… cause this is from the movie and wow. Swoon.

So as you can see, numbers are important. But why should we let that dampen how we think about ourselves? If we let numbers control us then we become a number our self. I wrote this post as a reminder that we are much more than some number on a sheet. And we are so much more than our past. We still have the opportunity to make ourselves new.

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Here’s a photo from the production of High Spirits that I’m in. Only one more weekend!!!!

Being a good listener and a wallflower

The difference between being a good listener and a wallflower is this: putting yourself out there.

All my life I wondered whether or not I was a good listener. I’m sure I can be a little self centered when it comes to talking about myself. But let me tell you this. If you’re the one to initiate the conversation, it’s not always a bad thing. Some people find it nerve racking to hold a conversation for over ten minutes. I have this problem, but have used it to some good use. I say almost the first thing that pops up in my head. Whether that is actually bringing up a great topic of discussion, or just jumping into song, I can almost always find some way to break the silence.

So how does this relate to being a good listener? Well, I’m not entirely sure where I even want to go with the answer to that. Anyways, what makes a good listener? Is it someone who listens and cares about what the other person is saying? Or is it someone who doesn’t interrupt when the other person is talking? It’s kind of both. Listening is an active verb. When a friend is talking to you, it’s polite to seem interested and observant, even if you don’t really like what they are saying, or if you are impatient to get to whatever you want to talk about.

So back to the question of wallflower vs. good listener. A wallflower listens, but doesn’t really say much. They tend to listen, but not put their two cents in. They go unnoticed because they do not stick out. A good listener knows when to talk and when to listen. I highly doubt anyone who knows me would ever consider me a wallflower, but I felt like the wallflower in high school. I was outspoken, but I felt like no one heard me. Sometimes I would feel like I was listening too much. I always wondered when I would get the chance to be heard. Like, why are your problems so much bigger than mine? Not that I believe I am the center of the universe or anything, but it would be nice to have my problems validated.

Why did I choose to write this post, when I could have easily have written a book review or something else? Well, I wanted to just talk about something serious. And honestly, I love writing in this blog. I’m hooked. The best thing about it is that I go by my own schedule and guess what? No routines!!!

I feel like I never put any of the minute details of my life in here. Here is one weird thing about me. I just started trying to get rid of my athletes foot. It’s a slow and agonizing process, but I hope I can get rid of it. It itches like all hell. I know, if I stop thinking about it I won’t itch. But it’s really not that simple. Wish it was.

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This was a photo taken last year at a Fever Charm show. I totally won free tickets to this show!!! =)

“It’s Kind of a Funny Story” by Ned Vizzini : partial review

I’ve been trying to read this book for about six months. Every time I pick it up, I can only read so much. And it’s not “Game of Thrones.” This book is called, “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” by Ned Vizzini. It is about this guy who is struggling with depression. I’ve read a few novels where the main character does deal with depression, but this one seems to be a weird one to read. The author killed himself this year, I believe.

The book starts out with the main character, Craig, getting high with his friends. What really has me kind of stalled for reading this book is the first scene, when Craig goes to the bathroom. Craig likes bathrooms. He says that bathrooms are a private space in a public place. He has this weird bathroom ritual that kind of sounds … nice. He turns off the light and kind of .. thinks in the bathroom. It’s kind of sad how I connect with this character.

Normally I wouldn’t say anything until I review the book. But I need to talk about this book in particular before I finish it because I think it’s an important topic in the topic of me. It’s normal to fear death. I am fascinated by the idea of death. Not that I want to die. I will have you guys know that I love living. I don’t want to die. I just… keep thinking about what happens when we die and if somehow we get to live after this. I hate thinking about suicide because it really does scare me. For someone to take their own life is really sad. I understand that depression is something you can’t help and sometimes it gets really hard, but I can’t help but wish it could be different.

This book, to me, is the inside look of someone who is actually depressed. It’s easy to write a character who is sad, but this book portrays depression perfectly. Depression is a paralyzing factor sometimes. It will make you believe that you are the ugliest, dumbest, and shittiest person on the planet. Dealing with it is hard, and there are times when all seems lost. But I’m not going to be doing this forever. I’m going to step out my front door and make something out of my life. Craig is a very smart person, who has been dealt some bad cards. He deals with depression worse than I do. He has these things called “Anchors” and “Tentacles.” An anchor is something that makes you happy, for a moment. A tentacle is something that causes stress and is a hindrance. I have a few anchors, but they are slowly dwindling. After this show, I won’t be doing any more musical stuff till probably February. And I always feel so weird this time of year. I always think the year is going to take so long to get through and by the time it is over, I can’t believe the time has passed.

Anyways, “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” is taking me a long time, but when I’m finished I will put my full thoughts on here.

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Here’s a photo from “Meet Me in St. Louis” which I was in this summer. I’m the girl with the black hair… in the redish costume.

I’m a crazy Goofy Goober YEAH!

With most of my posts, I like to go off on small tangents about life and whatnot. But here is a post mainly about a subject that I was just thinking about. Body image and Young Adult novels. When reading a YA novel, do you normally feel as if you are self aware of your own body? Try going about your day, not noticing what your body is feeling or smelling. Practically impossible. So why do most YA novels have little body awareness? I just finished “The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer” and there is a scene that comes to mind. I’m not giving anything away, but the main character, Mara, burns her hand. We aren’t really aware of the burn when she goes about her life. There is only a slight mention of it after, when she sees Noah again. Her arm would have been at least bothering her. There is dialogue, when Mara goes to check up on the wound, where Mara states that she was distracted by whatever drama was happening at the time. The body is not really mentioned that often.

So why does this matter? To tell you the truth, it’s only a fraction of a problem. It doesn’t dampen on my opinion of a book. But I’ve recently thought about this, thanks to someone’s comment on Instagram. Body awareness in a YA novel seems to be not a thing in the industry. Oh I know an example a lot of people will get. In “Fault In Our Stars” by John Green, we aren’t really brought into Hazel’s body till 1/4 of the way through. I didn’t grasp that she was carrying an oxygen tank until much later. If I could give some writerly advice (yeah I know writerly isn’t a word… sue me. XD) try to make your characters more solid. Be aware of your own body. Walk around for a day, especially when you have it off, and write down every little feeling your body is feeling. I’m not talking emotionally, or mentally, but physically. Learn more about your own body. Our bodies are full of mysteries no one but ourselves can unlock.

Sometimes I worry that I don’t have that much thoughts going through my head and that everything I think about is boring. But when I think about ways to write and how to analyze a book, I suddenly become super passionate. I am not dumb, no matter how many times the world may tell me. Everyone learns things at their own pace. And that’s cool.

What you also have to remember is that I am only 22. I have barely lived and yet sometimes it feels like I’ve lived a whole lot. Time is funny like that. But that doesn’t mean that my opinion or advice are invalid because of my youth. I experience life in a different way and that will be true for everyone.

It has come to my attention that I have a small audience… and I just want to say thank you. It makes me really happy to realize that people will sit down and read what I have to say. Next chance I get I will post up reviews for the two books I read this week

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Here’s me looking like a zombie. This was about seven months ago. I look fantastic. I’m really going to eat your brains out now!!! Rawr!

Let the sunshine paint the way to infinities

This morning I was late to work. Not that much late, but late still. I clocked in fifteen minutes after I was supposed to be there. And I knew, from the moment I got out of my car, that I honestly did not care. I mean, work is boring. It’s the same stupid routine every time. I hate routines. They make me feel claustrophobic.

While walking to the side of the building where the entrance was, from the parking lot, I noticed glimmering rays of light. I’ve heard people say that magic is not real. But there are small things that make me wonder. You can tell me that the rays of light are just rays of light. But to me, they carry heat, warmth, and childlike wonder. It’s almost as if time seemed to stop as the light ran past my field of view.

I think, as people, we are all caught up in moments. And when that moment passes, we lose part of ourselves, if only for a day. Sometimes you wish that the moment could come again, as if you could actually turn back time and go back. Don’t we wish we had a Tardis?

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Just imagine that face saying, “Yes indeed” and you’ll know what I mean. So my best advice is to try to make new moments of clarity. Points where you are way too focused in the present to even think about the past or even the future. Cause we all know that it’s all a big of timey wimey spacey wasey … stuff.

To those who don’t really know me, I am a huge fan of Doctor Who. I probably don’t show my geeky side on here, but I am honestly a big fan. I will stubbornly argue about any topic of Doctor Who that I see fit, regardless of whether I’m right or wrong. I was a Weeping Angel last year for Halloween and the year before that I was the Eleventh Doctor. I find I can connect with someone better if they watch Doctor Who. I’ve talked to people I thought were cute because of Doctor Who. Not that it gets me anywhere, but oh well.

By the way, if anyone is interested, I have a Youtube channel that I barely use. I have a bunch of old vlogs on there. My username is “Charmishgirl.” Yeah… that username is unique. I made it up when I was like ten.

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Here’s a random photo for this post. It’s from when I did “Hairspray” last year with the Redwood City Community Theater… it was such a blast. They were all really talented people. I would love to work with them again one day.

I saw “Big Hero 6” tonight and I have to say. I cried and laughed the whole way through. It is a must see for everyone.

#BookBlogWriMo Day 6

11/6 – #TBT  Favorite Childhood Books

Well, I have to go with the Charlie Bone series and the Pendragon series. I’ve done a review for the Pendragon series, which you can find on my previous posts. Charlie Bone was written by Jenny Nimmo. I really have no clue what it was exactly about, but I do remember they were about magic.

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I don’t remember a lot of the books I loved to read. But I remember it took me a while to read the first Harry Potter book, which is why I probably am kind of iffy when it comes to saying it was a childhood favorite. I had to watch the film in order to get into it. And even then I skipped the first one and didn’t come back to the first one till after I had read the fifth book. I’m kind of pathetic that way. But I remember also reading the Inheritance series by Christopher Paolini. That was an amazing series. Kind of made me slightly disappointed in the elves in Lord of the Rings when I went back and watched them. Only slightly of course.